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爆笑精选英语笑话

2015-12-05 发布 | 来源:网络 | 编辑:唧唧帝

  因祸得福 To Profit from a Misfortune

  A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

  At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

  The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

  有一个人很粗心,老是打烂东西。他已失业好几个月了。

  最后他在一个瓷器店找到了一个工作。可是才干了几天,他就打烂了一个很大的花瓶。

  经理把他到办公室去,告诉他每个星期都要扣他的工钱,直到赔偿够了为止。他就问:“那个花瓶值多少钱?”经理说:“值500美元。”他很高兴地说:“啊!太妙了,我非常高兴,终于有个稳定的工作啦。”

  我干得怎么样 How did I do

  A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

  The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

  Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

  一名新警察与老警察开着警车第一次出去巡逻。 他们得到命令去疏散一群闲逛的人,于是他们开车去了那条街,看到路口站着一群人。

  新警察摇下窗户:“大家注意了,快离开这里。”人们看了他几眼,没理他。他喊起来:“离开这里,马上离开!”大家都不知道怎么回事,但是在他的威胁下还是离开了。

  新警察对他第一次执行公务的结果很满意,对老警察说:“我干得怎么样?”“你做得很好,”老警察笑着说,“尤其是在公共汽车站。”

  The New Teacher

  George comes from school on the first of September.

  9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里。

  George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

  “乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问

  I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and thre

  有两条裤子

  A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

  丈夫下班回到家里,发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了,”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”

  “Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

  “没事儿,”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”

  “Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”

  “是的,”妻子高兴地说,“幸亏你还有一条,我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”

  死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭

  Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of

  those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.

  妻子:你瞧,根据这报上登的统计数字,那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。

  Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat

  meals.

  丈夫:那就不错了。据我调查,所有这些人都吃饭呢。

  我是单身汉

  Jack fell off his bicycle and got hurt.A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back.

  杰克骑车摔伤,去医院治疗。一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填。 杰克填好后递上表格。

  "Anything else?"The nurse asked. "Yes," Jack thinks for a while and said "l'm a bachelor."

  “还有什么漏填的?”护士问。“有!”杰克想了想说,“我是个单身汉。”

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